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In response to the terrorist attack upon a gay club

The emotions are quite complex today after the mass murder at the gay club in Orlando, Florida.  As I pondered what words to share, I thought of a section of my memoir (not yet published, but hopefully soon) in which I contemplate the risks of being an advocate and spokesperson in the LGBT community.  This moment occurred in 2005 shortly after I became the pastor of the Cathedral of Hope in Oklahoma City.  I am with my boyfriend at the time; he was on staff at the Cathedral of Hope in Dallas.

 

Hanging out at John’s condo in Dallas, we would often curl up on his couch together to watch the final episodes of Queer as Folk as they aired that summer.  In one the gay nightclub Babylon is bombed.  Our mood was sober when we finished watching the episode.  Holding me close he said, “You know, we have high security at the church because of this very fear.”

“I know about the high security.  They have educated me about it.”

The main offices of the church were at the backside of the building, away from the parking lot.  They could only be accessed with a card that was electronically coded.  Many members of the church had never been in the church offices.  At the front of the church building was a reception area that was separated from the rest of the building.  The reception area contained a waiting room where you sat and waited for someone to escort you into the building to the main offices.  Cameras monitored the building and during worship services and big events uniformed security guards patrolled the grounds.  The ushers were also trained in how to respond to a disturbance.

“Does the church really fear an attack?” I asked.

“We have received many threats through the years and the rare person who attends worship and starts making anti-gay statements.  Nothing serious has ever transpired, but we, of course, take precautions.”

“Sure.”

He turned to look at me.  “I worry about you and your congregation, however.  You have none of the safeguards we do, and Oklahoma is even scarier than Dallas.”

“I don’t think our congregation has ever had an incident.  We are so much smaller that most people don’t even know about us.  You all are big and in the news a lot.”

“But,” he said, “if you do your job well, that will change.  People will know about you and that could draw unwanted attention.”

“I guess it’s something we should prepare for.”

John then held me close and said, “I fear for you personally.  What if you are attacked?  What if someone tries to kill you?  You are already pretty public, and there are lots of crazy people.”

I touched his cheek.  “I’m not sure why, but I’m not worried about that.  I’m not afraid.  I really don’t think that anything is going to happen, but if something does happen and I’m harmed, then it’s not like my worrying about it will help.”

“But you should be cautious.”

“I know.  And I am.  I will be.  I am still getting used to all of this, of course.”

We sat there silently for a while, holding each other.

“You know,” I added, “I’m not afraid because if something were to happen to me, it could probably be used for good.  I’m willing to be a martyr for my faith and for something I believe in if that’s what happens.  I’m not going to seek it out, but it doesn’t frighten me.”

“It frightens me,” he said, kissing me.


Today in Sabbatical News

A day both lazy and productive, as I finished one book by a Reformed evangelical--Smith's Imagining the Kingdom--read from start to finish a book by an 11th century Muslim scholar--al-Ghazali's Deliverance from Error--and began a work of Greek Orthodox theology--John ZizioulasBeing as Communion--which has given me an intellectual orgasm just in the opening pages.

Besides all that reading I enjoyed my morning walk, cooking breakfast for my family, doing laundry, picking up around the house, getting my hair cut, and going to lunch with some clergy friends.

I also, after finishing Smith's book, worked on reimagining First Central's worship design and planning process, a task I set myself while attending Marcia McFee's Worship Design Studio in April.

So, a pretty full day.

Tomorrow I hope to begin writing a philosophy book I intend to model on my classroom lectures at Creighton.

Yesterday, by the way, I did write a short story.  A month or so ago I saw a news article about radioactive boars ravaging the countryside around Fukushima and sent it to my friend Marty Peercy with the comment that I'd enjoy seeing Don DeLillo's take.  Marty suggested that a few of us use the news story as a writing prompt and assemble the short stories for an anthology published by Literati Press. While walking at Boyer Chute National Wildlife Refuge yesterday, my story idea came to me and I wrote the first draft when I returned home.


Where the God of Love Hangs Out

Where the God of Love Hangs Out: FictionWhere the God of Love Hangs Out: Fiction by Amy Bloom
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Amy Bloom was one of the Master Teachers at this year's Yale Writer's Conference, and I was very impressed by her. My blogpost about her craft talk is here: http://escottjones.typepad.com/myques....

That evening she read from the short story "Compassion and Mercy" contained within this volume, and I was mesmerized. I can be a very interactive audience member and I was quite engaged with her reading (she's an excellent reader of her own work) laughing and expressing awe at good phrases. Of course I bought the book. She signed it "For Scott--with every good and encouraging wish."

That story is the best in the volume. Bloom is a skilled writer, describing rich characters and gifted in crafting phrases and sentences.

But not every story engaged me as much at that one did. And in a few of the stories there were flaws in her writing, which surprised me. My workshop leader at Yale this year, Eileen Pollack, firmly denounced the use of "It is" and "There are" constructions and marked every appearance of the pronoun "it" in our manuscripts, instructing us to remove 19 of every 20 appearances. Unfortunately, I am now hyper-attuned to these constructions, including their overuse. I've enjoyed noticing that George R. R. Martin rarely uses them, while I had to quit reading a Zadie Smith story in the New Yorker because of three uses in the first paragraph. In some of the stories in this volume Bloom is guilty. I found myself re-writing the sentences in my head as I read along. I told Eileen the next day that she has ruined me as a reader.

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Vivid images

Last week I started reading C. S Lewis' The Great Divorce and was impressed with the vivid images of his writing in the first chapter.  Here are some examples:

Time seemed to have paused on that dismal moment when only a few shops have lit up and it is not yet dark enough for their windows to look cheering. 

However far I went I found only dingy lodging houses, small tobacconists, hoardings from which posters hung in rags, windowless warehouses, good stations without trains, and bookshops of the sort that sell The Works of Aristotle. [That last bit is what I like.  The image made me laugh.]

It was a wonderful vehicle, blazing with golden light, heraldically coloured.  The Driver himself seemed full of light and he used only one hand to drive with.  [Again, that last detail is the impressively vivid one.]


Cheryl Strayed

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The participants of the Yale Writer's Conference were eager to meet Cheryl Strayed.  Rarely does an author become a celebrity.  Memoirists, including yours truly, were wondering--how do I publish a bestseller, get a movie deal, go to the Oscars, and have Reese Witherspoon play me (okay maybe I wasn't asking that last question about myself, though I'm sure Reese could do a great Scott Jones).

"You must write answering the question 'What does it mean to be human?'" was Strayed's simple answer to the unasked, but apparent, questions.  "That's really the only question of literature."

Yesterday I attended her Master Class and Craft Talk and interacted with her briefly in the lunch room.  This post is an amalgam of my notes of those presentations.

She drew upon F. Scott Fitzgerald to talk about the connection between heart and craft.  "Write big, even though your life is small," she encouraged.  "Our lives are not original.  We have a lot in common.  Your subject isn't original; your voice is.  Give your heart to your writing."

Strayed began her Master Class by stating that success is overcoming resistance and doubt.  "Tell the story you have to tell."  Have in two senses--the story you possess, that is yours, and the story that you must tell ("fire in the bones" from the prophet Jeremiah is how I imagine this).  

She charted on the blackboard the layers she believes any book or story must include.  I'll reproduce them here as a list (why didn't I take a picture of the chart?).

  • Your story--your obsessions, interests, experiences, things that happened to you, how you feel about them
  • Other experiences in you or your character's life that remind you of or echo your story
  • Other stories in the culture or in history/mythology that resonate with your story
  • What place does your story occupy in the narrative tradition?  Examples include hero's journey, fish out of water, stranger in a strange land, fairy tale, etc.
  • What is the question at the core of your story?  And this is twofold--your specific question and the universal human question you are writing about

She explained that not every layer must appear explicitly on the page, but that the author needs to have thought through every layer.  The universal question she was exploring in Wild was "How is it that we bear the unbearable?"

"Meaning is more powerfully conveyed the more discreet it is."  She isn't a fan of explicitly giving the meaning to the reader.  She especially doesn't like writing with a message.  "Wild doesn't have a message.  I didn't plant a message for people.  Readers can take whatever message they need from the book."

She instructed her Master Class to focus on objects and talismans in their writing.  Talismans are objects we imbue with meaning.  Some are cultural, like wedding rings.  Others are personal.  In Wild her backpack, which she names Monster, becomes a character itself.  She encouraged us to let objects do some of the narrative heavy lifting (was the pun intended?).  She enjoys writing that tells you what happened so well that it doesn't have to tell you how it felt.

Strayed began her Craft Talk by exploring the question, "Why would anyone want to read about me or about this fictional character I've made up?"  The answer is, "They don't.  No one wants to read about me or about a character I've made up.  People want to tap into the eternal voice asking what it means to be human."

She encouraged us instead of plotting the events of the book to plot the emotional development, particularly looking for revelatory moments, and to build the story around those.  In Wild the basic structure is 1) I can't do this, 2) I have to do this, 3) I'm doing it.  The first example is getting the backpack Monster on her back and starting the hike.  "The mundane revelations prepare for the big ones."  Eventually that structure is used to move her through her grief over her mother's death.

In the final Q&A there were many questions about success and the film.  "I wouldn't have gotten lucky if I hadn't done the hard work," she said.  "Every person who walks up and says 'this changed me,' I earned that by working hard."


My Writing Spot

I located my writing spot while here at Yale and have been working there the past few days.

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Outside the dining hall are some stairs to the second floor. 

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They lead to the Davenport College Library.

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On the library tables you find such appropriate titles as:

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and

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Plus large volumes like: 

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The plaque over the fireplace informs when the room was remodeled:

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In the far back corner I found my nook.

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When I take a break from writing and revising, I examine the shelves and the pictures on the walls.  Besides photos of Rev. Davenport's grave and the original campus of Yale, there are these pictures of gentlemen.  What do you think of men's fashion and grooming in 1871?

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The nook contains some interesting books.

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(Glad to know we are in the fourth edition of the Earth.)

I enjoy browsing an old library and exploring strange and interesting titles.  I picked up this volume . . .

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. . . to see what the class of 1933 might have accomplished.  Apparently they enjoyed drinking before a fire.

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And I learned that the freshman year is a "Dim, paleolithic time obscured by the ever increasing fog of intervening years" (maybe due to too much drinking before fires?).  

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My little nook also contains early twentieth century works of natural history.

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The Natural History of Selborne was rather dry, but I was drawn to Galapagos: World's End.  

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Old books are works of art in the printing and the binding, not just the writing.

Henry Fairfield Osborn, the President of the New York Zoological Society in 1923 wrote the foreword in which he enjoys using exclamation marks in celebrating Charles Darwin.

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Osborn reminds us that Darwin was in the islands for only five weeks, and then Osborn declares, "Only five weeks, but five weeks of Darwin's eyes and Darwin's powers of observation and reasoning were equivalent to a whole previous cycle of human thought. At the time he was only twenty-six years of age . . ."

The opening of the first chapter of the book does not read as boring natural history (no Natural History of Selborne this).

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"winter camouflage of the aristocracy of yachts"--What a phrase!

And when I read of "sea-moss and barnacles acquired in alien seas on voyages of other years" I longed to snuggle up in one of the overstuffed armchairs and read of grand adventure on the high seas.

Alas, I have my own book to write, so back to the table and the laptop.


Amy Bloom

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In her craft talk this afternoon Amy Bloom cautioned us writers.  "If you want to do something well to public acclaim, then do something else.  Like embroidery.  I recommend cooking.  Everyone likes a good meal.  And they will praise you."

"I don't write to recommend or to improve the lives of my readers."  

"Writing is not the toughest job.  It is a privilege.  It can be agonizing, but it is a privilege."

She encouraged us to read the work aloud, because then we would see where we make mistakes.  I wanted to hit myself upside the head.  I know this already, because I'm a preacher.  How many times has something looked correct to me on the page, only to be altered when I read it aloud?  But, I haven't been reading my memoir aloud as I've written.  Yes, I've read a passage here and there, but not the entire manuscript.  Damn.  Now I've got 72,000 words to read aloud.  Maybe that's what Sebastian will be hearing for the next few months?

A theme of her talk and her Q&A was character.  She spoke of how writers are lazy.  They put in just a few descriptors, just enough to "brand" their character in order to show the reader that the writer and the reader are in on something together.  Instead the writer needs to think about their characters and see the world from their point-of-view and describe them as actual persons, for there are no types of persons.  "Be your characters, don't describe them."  Describing them is simply creating a cartoon.

She added, "It is a big world.  You have to see past your own frame."  Asked more specifically how to do this, she said "Bring everything you know to everything you have imagined."

I left the talk realizing that I need to go over every bit of my memoir and look at how I've dealt with the other characters.  A few are more fully formed than others, but I realized that there are places in the book where I was lazy in my descriptions.

Asked when she knows she is done with revising a book, because you have to stop sometime, even though there are always ways to improve and revise.  She answered, "When I'm lying bloody at the finish line.  Then, I try to go a little further, and you can see the marks of blood as I go a little further."  I also realized that I'm not yet lying bloody at the finish line with my book.

But I was encouraged by one thing she said.  Speaking of endings she said, "My goal for the ending is that it transforms the work by shining a different light on all that came before it."  That I think I've done.  I think my ending is kick ass.