Why we stopped telling the story last year

It was with great enthusiasm last year that we began blogging about the steps we were taking to become dads.  And then we went silent.

Initially it was because the ACLU asked us to, which came as something of a shock and surprise.  They were gearing up for their lawsuit against the State of Nebraska banning gays and lesbians from being foster parents, and our blogging would complicate matters if we were going to be among the plaintiffs.  Reluctantly, and after much arguing, we agreed to pause the blog.  I'm still befuddled that I was asked by the nation's leading civil liberties organization to quit expressing myself publicly (and it wasn't just the blog they were worried about).  We thought then, and still think, that we would have made good plaintiffs because we are good public spokespersons and that the blog could have been an effective tool.  The lawyers saw it differently.  I'm glad we ended up not being plaintiffs.

This whole argument and pausing the blog robbed me of much joy, and I mean that seriously.  In many ways it took enjoyment out of the process we were going through at the time--foster parent classes, home study, etc.

One reason we were reluctant is that we had been told years ago that if we wanted a child, we needed to make that publicly known, as often adoptions come about because someone knows someone looking to adopt.  So, there was not only reluctance, but some fear that by stopping the blog, we would lose out on an opportunity.

Once we did get a foster license, then we were no longer potential plaintiffs.  At that point I would have restarted the blog, but by then we had a foster son and were bound by much of that relationship being confidential.

Which will still complicate narrating this story.  

Beyond the privacy rights of the child which must be respected, two further things held me off in the past and complicate the storytelling I want to do:

• Once we had the license we  wanted to remain under the radar, because our goal here was very personal--to have a family--not to bring about societal change
• Sometimes when it hurt it was too fresh to share

Not telling this story has robbed me of joy, and at times I could have used the joy that the storytelling would have brought.  "Storytelling is essential," as I wrote recently on my personal blog:

Storytelling is essential.  For determining who we are, where we come from, and what has happened.  For creating community and identity.  For learning the virtue and developing character.  For making sense of our experience.

So, I hope telling this story will help to do those things.

-- Scott

Comments

[Ben]

I visited this page with much excitement last year, waiting to see your story unfold. It must have been so hard to stop writing. I'm glad you are able to tell it now.

Ben