Wannabe Dads in the Big O

Our Big News

We're having a baby.

322 Kids

In an Omaha World Herald article the other day, I learned that there are currently 322 foster kids in Nebraska needing adoptive parents.  On the one hand, that's really encouraging, as Michael and I still hope to have children and are working toward that goal.

On the other hand, that's really puzzling--For two years we've been asking the foster care system to match us with kids available for adoption, to no avail.  

--Scott

Photo Book Finished

Back in the middle of May, we finished a copy of the Photo Book and had it shipped off to the agency.  This was because there was a young woman interested in finding a same-sex couple to adopt her child.  However, it didn't arrive in time.

We then got some feedback from our agency about the book and made some changes before ordering our own review copy, which arrived in June while I was away for a few weeks.  Michael did show it to me when we Skyped one night.  After I was home and able to physically review it, we made a few more changes, primarily typos that had previously gone unnoticed.

Tonight I ordered the five final copies and had them shipped to the agency.  So, that completes all the preparations for the adoption agency, a process that has taken us many months.  I think we began in October or November.

Now, we basically wait for someone to pick us.  So, please keeps your ears open if you know of someone looking for adoptive parents.

--Scott

Not this time

So, on Monday we learned that our overnighted photo book had arrived at the adoption agency, but we also learned this from the agency: "[I received] an email over the weekend that the client selected another family and isn't iterested in viewing any additional profile books at this time."

We knew there would be these disappoints.  Thank you for your prayers.

-- Scott

Two Updates

First, on Wednesday night we finally finished the Photo Book and had it overnighted to the adoption agency.  

The other update is that recently we finished switching foster care agencies.  When we met with the agency we are now with we felt it to be a much better fit.  They said they take fewer cases and work to more intentionally match children with parents.  She gave us some startlingly good statistic on how few of the children in their agency ever move placements.  Remember that our previous foster son had had 10 placements in two years.  They also understand that we are only seeking children ultimately available for adoption.

So, we are back on the foster list, but have not received any calls for placements yet.

-- Scott

Adoption Update

So for the last month or so the main project has been finishing our Photo Book which is supposed to introduce us to birth moms who are chosing adoptive parents.  We've been collecting photos, writing texts, and laying it out.  

This is not the easiest task.  In 20 pages of photos and minimal texts you have to introduce yourself, your home, your family and give some sense of who you are and what type of parents you will be.  We had agreed upon how to structure it, but as I was putting it together it didn't feel quite like us, so back to the drawing board.  I think we figured it out now, and I like how it is coming together.

But it still isn't quite together.  We were waiting until this week on some photos from family members and Michael still needs to finish the portion on his family and childhood.  Plus we haven't yet decided upon a cover photo.

Last week, however, we received this e-mail: "I'm just checking in to see where you are with regard to your profile book?  There is a birth parent who is interested in a same-gender couple and we
would love to be able to share your profile with her. Please keep me posted as to when you think you will have that ready!"

Which kicked me into overdrive.  Finishing as much as I could of the photo book was my number one priority last weekend and I got most everything done I needed to, except the photos I was waiting on.  I received those yesterday and got them scanned and uploaded.

And yesterday we received this e-mail from the agency: 

Scott and Michael,

I have another agency that we share profile books with that is in need of same sex couple profile books.  I wasn't sure if you had your profile book done yet or not but if you can get one done and overnight it to me at our Iowa location, there is an opportunity to have it shown if you are interested. 

 

Followed up with:

 

 I hate to make you rush but it's a great opportunity to have it shown as she is only looking at same sex couples!

 

This particular Mom is due in October.  This opportunity may not be ours, but this is the closest I've yet been in my life to the possibility, so I'm very excited.

 

--Scott

Good to Go!

We received this e-mail today from our adoption agency:

We will start showing your profile as soon as we get them!

Your study is being finalized, now that I have your fingerprints and the rest of your paperwork. Everything looks good so far. The background checks are clear and I have no concerns based on our meetings! I am recommending you to be approved as adoptive parents. As I finalize everything, I will let you know if there are any small details that were overlooked. Otherwise, I would say we
are good to go!

Packet in the Mail!

The completed adoption packet, with all the forms and documents, went into the mail today.

As I dropped it in the outgoing mail tray at church, I told the two volunteers sitting in the office what it was.  They expressed joy and hopefulness.  Neva said, "God bless."  

I said a little prayer.

-- Scott

Completing Adoption Application Packet

Tonight we completed the adoption application packet!  

We got all these forms and this checklist months ago and have been slowly working on it for a while.  The main hang up the last two months was waiting to get our fingerprint checks back from the FBI; those arrived over the weekend.

So, we went back over everything to make sure we had filled out all the forms, copied all the documents they wanted copies of, etc.  And then we put it all in the envelope to send on to the agency.  This will allow them to complete all their paperwork and the homestudy that they did in the autumn.

Now, we largely enter another waiting game.  While we wait, we will continue working on our photo book and need to meet again with the bank to discuss financing options and with our attorney to wrap up some legal matters.

On another fun note, I bought a stuffed elephant for the future baby, and it arrived on St. Valentine's Day.

-- Scott

Second Home Study Visit

This afternoon we had our second home study visit (out of three) with the private adoption agency.  During this two hour conversation, while Michael and I drank tea (Constant Comment for me and Earl Grey for Michael) and munched on pretzels, we talked about our families, our childhoods, how our parents disciplined us, our education, our religious beliefs, and some other random bits here and there.  Like my 5th place national trophy from the NFL (National Forensics League), and Michael's experiences as the Resident Assistant for the first co-ed floor at OSU, which also happened to be the Native American floor.  

Among the stories shared were Michael's coming out, the night my Dad died, my college break-up with my fiancee, Gerry's reassignment which led to meeting Ninfa, and lots of stuff about our siblings.

We also turned in some of the finished forms and paid our first installment, including the application fee, the social worker's mileage reimbursement, and half the home study fee.

-- Scott

The Call

I cried a little watching this and hoping for the same for us one day. -- Scott

 

Tasks

Today we worked on a number of tasks involved in our adoption process, including contacting an attorney, contacting a photographer to take our photo to be shown to birth parents choosing prospective adoptive parents, getting information on our health insurance plans, etc.

Last night, after our discussions, I was anxious as I tried to sleep, and when I awoke in the night.  There's a lot to do and also the process will cost a lot of money.  We need to get a lot squared away in the next few weeks to complete the application and home study processes.

-- Scott

Adoption Application

Tonight Michael and I went to dinner and started working our way through the adoption application and other forms.  There is also a long checklist of things we need to provide -- marriage certificate, birth certificates, etc.  

There are agreements with the agency, privacy notices, notice of fees, etc.   The form that states how open we want to be with the birth parents after the child is placed with us.  A form on whether we are willing to take a child with AIDS.  There is reference check and background check information (a lot of that).  A form for our physician to fill out saying we are healthy enough to parent.

The application itself (as opposed to all these other forms) is much less thorough than the foster care one was.  It asks only key background information on education, parents, employment, etc.  I'm guessing the longer conversations in the homestudy cover most of the topics that we had to write about in the foster application.

One thing we get to make is a photo book that birth parents will get to examine to learn about us.  We are going to have fun putting that together!

-- Scott

Adoption Homestudy Begins

Yesterday they began our adoption homestudy.  There will be six hours of interviews.  Yesterday she toured our home, asked about our foster experience, how we met, where we've worked, and started in on my life story.  She has lots more questions to ask the next two sessions.

We also must begin preparing a long list of documents and forms, many similar to what we did for the foster care process, but some different.

The big difference between fostering-to-adopt through the state and private adoption, is that at the end of the session she handed us the invoice for the application fee and homestudy and it comes to $2,099.85.

-- Scott

Adoption Homestudy

We heard from the adoption agency again, about scheduling the home study.  The big packet is "in the mail" heading to us, and we will have to schedule times to meet.  Here's what they said, "Per Nebraska requirements, we need to meet a minimum of three times for a minimum of six hours total. We can plan to meet three times for about two hours each, if that works for you."

-- Scott

Adoption Application Received

I posted the other day that we sent in the application to begin the private adoption process.  We heard back on Thursday that it was received.  Here was the e-mail, which arrived while we were having dinner,

I received your pre-application in the mail and am working on getting your application packet out to you!  S. . .  who I cc'd above will be doing your adoptive homestudy for you!  She will be getting ahold of your shortly to set up a time for you to meet to begin your study when you are ready!  We are looking forward to working with you!!

We received this shortly after we had met with our state Senator, Sara Howard, to discuss our foster care experiences with her, detailing how broken the foster system is.  So, it was great to receive this positive news so shortly after such a difficult topic of conversation.

-- Scott

Why we want to adopt

While narrating the our foster care story of the last year, the effort to become parents does not stop.  Today we send off our application to a private adoption agency pursuing that route.  One part of that application is a statement on why we want to adopt.  Here's what we wrote:

This past Advent our church had a theme for worship: “What’s Your Wish?”  Everyone was asked to write their wish on a little card -- the one thing you most wanted in life.  We wrote “Children.”

We can imagine the looks on our mother’s faces, gigantic smiles as they meet our kids and enthusiastically fuss over them.  We look forward to tucking our kids in at night and reading them bedtime stories.  We can’t wait to watch them grow and learn and explore.  And we dream of a future when we are grandparents, sitting around a table for the holidays, surrounded by our children and grandchildren.  We can't imagine our lives without them.  And we can't imagine not adopting.  Scott’s father was adopted and Michael's best friend is adopted, so adoption is part of our life.

Last year, we began pursuing that wish and were open to every possibility.  We took classes and completed background checks to become licensed foster parents.  Fostering one young man, we learned a lot about ourselves as parents and about the joys and struggles of parenting.  We enjoyed the fun of sledding in winter, riding roller coasters, taking him on his first big trip, walking him to the bus stop for the first day at a new school, and dropping him off for a big dance.  We were anxious when he was bullied at school, struggled academically, and had to be rushed to the emergency room.  Our experience as foster parents powerfully affirmed our wish to be adoptive parents.

Currently, our life is rich and full with marriage, careers, friends, hobbies, and volunteer activities.  We work passionately to make the world a better place and to help people in need.  But one thing is missing: children.  We've been so blessed and want to share those blessings.  Raising children -- having a family -- is the most important thing we can do.