Wannabe Dads in the Big O

Brains of Moms & Dads

Interesting article recently on The Huffington Post about a scientific study that revealed that the brains of gay dads respond in ways indicative of both moms and dad in heterosexual relationships.  

Also, this interesting finding:

in gay fathers, but not heterosexual ones, the brain also had extra communication lines between emotional and cognitive structures. The more time a man spent as primary caregiver, the greater the connectivity. It was as if playing both parental roles caused the brain to integrate the structures required for each.

Testimony before the Nebraska Judiciary Committee

Today the Judicary Committee of the Nebraska Senate held a hearing on the harms to same-sex couples in a post-Windsor world when their marriages are federally recognized but not recognized by the state.  The hearing opened with a long series of people, mostly lawyers, testifying to the problems in a wide range of legal areas -- taxes, immigration, estate, family, divorce, employment, human resources, workers comp, and also employee recruitment.  One woman testified about the complexities the two legal regimes create for small businesses.

Here are two news stories on the hearing, one from the AP and the other from the Lincoln Journal-Star.

I testified during the public, open part of the hearing.  Both articles above quote me.  Here are my full prepared remarks (I did add to them a little while actually talking).

What a strange task—speaking before a public audience arguing for recognition of my marriage.  It is not an assignment most of you listening will ever have to contemplate.  Just imagine if you had to argue for why your love and your family mattered.

For we all understand why people fall in love and want to make a lasting commitment to each other.  We understand why a couple invites their relatives and friends to their wedding, in order to recognize and bless that public commitment.  We understand why two people want to form a family, letting their love overflow to their children.  We understand that raising children well takes an entire community working together--that parents need the help and support of a society that values and strengthens families. 

We also understand why society encourages people to make these commitments to one another.  Loving marriages and healthy families strengthen the community. 

My husband Michael and I wed in a religious ceremony in Oklahoma in 2009 (our denomination sanctifies marriages between people of the same gender).  In attendance were two hundred of our family, friends, and fellow church members.  They came to bless and support us in the loving commitment we were making to one another.  At that time, we did not receive the legal benefits by which a society supports and strengthens marital commitment. 

After moving to Omaha, we were preparing for children and were optimistic about the impending court rulings, so we had a legal ceremony in Iowa.  Currently fourteen states recognize our commitment and value our family.  With the Supreme Court rulings we will receive some federal benefits.  But the State of Nebraska continues to deny our family the support, encouragement, and help that comes with legal recognition of our marriage vows.

Our family is more valued and better protected by the law when we cross the river to shop at Menard’s than it is when we are in our own home.  This bizarre situation is unsustainable.  I’m very confused about what to do come tax time, when we will file a joint federal return and will puzzle over our state returns.

Legal recognition of same-sex couples strengthens the loving commitments we make at our weddings.  It supports us in raising our children.  It values our families.  Encouraging loving marriages and healthy families improves society. 

Why did you get married?  Why was it important to have that legal recognition of your loving commitment?  How has it helped your family?  Your answers are the same as mine.

-- Scott

Equality Climate in Omaha

The Omaha World-Herald reported this weekend on churches who are leading the charge to take away equality in employment won by the LGBT community last winter.  Of course churches, like ours, led the charge to get equal protection before the law.  I'm disgusted and find it reprehensible that people of faith would attempt to take away someone's legal rights.

A recent World-Herald poll demonstrated that a majority of Nebraskans now support some form of legal recognition of same-sex relationships, whether as marriage or civil unions.  So, the climate is surely changing.  And the attempts to advance legislation this year in Omaha, Lincoln, and Grand Island (though not all have succeeded) is also encouraging.

This is part of the climate we face.  If people fight treating us equally and fairly in the workplace, then it is an uphill battle to get our family recognized.

-- Scott

On a positive, here is a picture from the Mayor's signing ceremony last March for Omaha's Equal Employment Ordinance.  I got to keep one of the pens!

Gay Adoption in Nebraska

There are currently only 18 states where a gay couple can adopt as a couple.  Iowa, which is just a few miles due east of me, is one of those.  We were tempted to settle in Iowa when we moved here, but felt it important to be located in Omaha (one alternative plan is to make the move if that is the only way to expand our family).

Shortly after we moved here, we went to a workshop on legal issues for gay families where adoption was discussed.  There we learned that to adopt through the state in Nebraska one must first qualify as foster parents.  We learned further that Nebraska bans openly gay people from fostering.  This is not hte result of any law passed by the legislature, but results from an executive memo which has been in place for around twenty years.

This was dispiriting news when we learned it, as you can imagine.

The other options for us are private adoption and surrogacy.  Each of those cost significantly more.  We will continue to explore those options.

Increasingly same-sex couples in Nebraska have been going through the process to qualify as foster parents (and be able to adopt through the state), but so far the state has not overturned the memo.  We have started this process.

So, that means part of the story this blog will tell is how we are challenging the current legal status quo in Nebraska, and working against the system in our effort to expand our family.  Stay tuned.

-- Scott