Wannabe Dads in the Big O

Parenting Classes Again

So, last week Michael and I began taking foster parenting classes again, this time with CSI.  We've basically been without an agency for a year since we resigned from our last one.  Our license was set to expire in December, so CSI requested that we take the classes again, especially to learn their way of doing things.

Despite the time commitment (30 hours over ten weeks), we were happy to do it.  Our last class was hurried and shortened, and we never thought we got enough out of it.  Especially once we had a placement. 

Already last week we felt better about this agency and this class.  The instructors are very experienced and were very good.  They were also more straightforward about the challenges than what I remember hearing before.  I especially liked this statement from one of them,

Every child in foster care is uncomfortable every day.  I'm going to make you uncomfortable every week.

Last week's class was an overview and introduction, so not a lot that was new for us in the actual material.

We enjoyed meeting the other parents, including another couple who came originally from Oklahoma.  

Today I spent a few hours filling out paperwork.  Again.  Counting the adoption agency, this is now the third time in two years that we've filled out oodles of documents--background checks, personal profiles, statements of agreement with policies, etc.  I'm resigned to it.

But my contrary nature emerges.  For instance, my answer to the question "What was the biggest disappointmen or loss you have had in your life and how did you cope with it?"  I wrote

("Cope" is a stupid word, by the way.)  In three lines [the amount of space provided] I can't answer what it means, has meant, and might in the future mean that my father died in 1990.

-- Scott

Parenting Classes, Home Study, and More

So, this time last year, we were in the midst of parenting classes with KVC.  We blogged about the first couple of classes, but then quit as part of putting this entire storytelling on hold.  There is no way to recover our initial impressions from the various class sessions, so I won't even try.

Before Thanksgiving, they wrapped up.  Earlier than originally scheduled.  KVC was moving offices and didn't want to move our classes, so they went through the material even more speedily than they usually do.

I thought the classes were better than I expected them to be.  It was most interesting hearing from the other participants in the classes, particularly those who had been in foster care themselves.

But later it felt like we had missed lots of crucial information.  I think we ultimately needed less in the way of general parenting tips and more about crisis management and more on how to navigate the foster care and social work system here in the state of Nebraska.

By the final class, we were actually surprised that we were through.  They gave us our certificates of completion.  I was fond of jokingly saying, "We completed our parenting classes and got our certificates.  We now know everything about being parents."

While we were wrapping up the classes, we were also preparing the house for our home study.  I blogged a little bit about shopping for those preparations last year.  We had to lock lots of things away.  Many cleaning supplies and the liquor went into the basement.  Other cleaning supplies and all medicines went into the linen closet (and linens went into the bathroom cabinet).  What a pain in the ass it was to actually have to carry a key around to get these things.  The linen closet had probably never been locked, so we had to do some work on the over 100 year old locks, changing some out from different doors (as the closet lock wouldn't work right), oiling, etc.  We also had to go to the locksmith to find keys to fit them.  Just getting the locks to work was a pain.

Michael put plastic plugs in all the outlets (though we ended up with a kid old enough to not need them, but we had to have them to begin with).  Michael also designed our tornado and fire evacuation plans/map and posted it in the child's bedroom.  I put a lock on the attic as well.  And we had to update our fire alarms.  And more.  It was a lot of extra work.

We had filled out our individual self-study forms and turned them in.  We also had to provide references, get finger printed, and have background checks run on us.  We had to provide detailed financial information and a copy of our Iowa marriage license.

All of this was put together by a KVC staffer who then came to visit us at home.  She looked the house over and made sure that we had completed all the things we were supposed to complete.  She also reviewed our individual self-studies and asked us lots of follow-up questions.  Much of her focus was on why we wanted kids and asking questions about our own family pasts.  Again, I wish I had written much of this down at the time, even if I couldn't post it, but I didn't.  She stayed for a least an hour and a half.

At the end of the session, she said she was still waiting to get some stuff from our Oklahoma background checks, but once those things came in, the packet would be complete and KVC would send it off to DHHS with a recommendation that we be licensed as foster parents.  We asked how long we'd have to wait.  She said that it would probably be a couple of months.

So, with all the classes and the preparations done, we settled in to wait.

-- Scott

Second Class: Scott's Perspective

This time we grabbed a quick snack on the way to class.  I ate in the parking lot.

The theme of class this week "The Need to Be a Loss Expert."  The teachers went over various types of gains and losses associated with the maturational process or situational.  Then they walked us through some exercises identifying various needs associated with loss and how to respond to them.  

Part of the focus of this particular parenting class series is identifying one's strengths.  This was clearly one of my areas of strength.  I guess being a minister, I am well acquainted with people at times of loss and grief.

They gave us homework for next Monday.  

-- Scott

One Takeaway

Sitting and listening to everything during the first parenting class on Monday night, I realized more fully than I had before that almost every child coming up for adoption in the state system is a child with developmental deficits.  They have been abused, neglected, abandoned, or otherwise taken from their families.  Of course I knew this.  And my father's own experience as an adopted child is a vivid reminder.  But, I realized it on Monday in a way I never really had before.

-- Scott

Class One: Scott's Perspective

Last night we began eight weeks of parenting classes.  They will be every Monday night from 6-9, which meant Michael basically drove from work, picked me up, and we drove out west to the office where the classes are held.  We stopped to grab some snacks, but didn't have time to eat.  Dinner after 9 every Monday is going to be a new routine.

There are eleven students in our class, three sets of couples.  Opened with introductions and passing around lots of paperwork, most of which we already had and had begun filling out.  Glad to know it wasn't due last night, as we weren't done with all of it.

The bulk of the class was introductory -- the models the class would be using, some aspects of Nebraska law, a lot of emphasis on partnering between adoptive parents, bio parents, and the agency.  The goal is "partnering for safety and permanence."

They identified the purpose of the class as identifying your strengths and applying them to children's needs.  That way the agency can match a child's needs with parents' skills.  

The course will be "a navigator" -- a way to get through an unknown course.  When fostering or adopting, one should develop a plan.  One facilitator said, "You need to have a destination before you can help children."

The second part of the class was about identifying and addressing children's developmental needs, as children coming through this process have usually suffered neglect, abuse, or other developmental deficits.  

The facilitators went through an introduction of Eric Erikson's stages of development and an activity utilizing them.  I was a little surprised by this, as I understood Erikson's work was now considered out-dated and limited.  For instance, Erikson's research only involved boys, and Carol Gilligan, among others, had criticized his theory as not applying to girls.  Oddly, the activity we engaged in was analyzing a situation involving a girl.  Overall, I thought this part wasn't bad, as the emphasis on identifying and helping developmental needs was good (and I didn't raise my questions about Erikson's theory).

The very thick packets of material we were given to read cover many more issues of developmental needs.  I think we ran out of time and didn't get to all the topics we could have in the second part of the class.  

Overall, I found it an interesting class, and it left us with things to think about and talk about.

-- Scott