Wannabe Dads in the Big O

Lack of Information

All of my blog posts the last couple of weeks have been about what we are currently doing in the process.  I'm glad I'm more focused on the positive present than the complications of the past.  But, I still want to tell that story.  When I left off, I was complaining about fostering not meeting our expectations of hoping to adopt.

My next problem with the private agencies that run Nebraska's foster system is the lack of information before a placement.  When they first call you they give you a little information, and you can ask any questions you want.  Sometimes the agent calling you has the information and sometimes they don't.  If they can, they do track it down.

But, you really don't get enough information.  Maybe over time, if I fostered a lot, I'd learn what all specific questions to ask, but for a first-timer we were so excited to get the chance that we didn't ask as much as we should have.

Nine months later, discussing this with one professional who worked on our case, she said that there is a vested interest in not giving you all the information and not being clear about the problems a child might be facing, because there is such pressure to get children placed in a home.  The social workers are desperate because of the regulations governing placement and the complete lack of shelters and group homes (almost all of which have closed because of negative changes in the system).  She said that the social workers themselves are not intentionally trying to deceive or manipulate, but it is the nature of the system.

One of the things we were told was that the bad behavior previously exhibited was "situational" and would change with us taking an affirming approach.  This ended up being completely false.

This lack of information is further complicated once the child is placed with you.  Despite the tons of paperwork that waste your time, energy, and sanity (more on that later), there is not good information that comes with the child.  One might expect this for a child first entering the system, but for one who has been in the system for over two years, there ought to be good documentation and easily passes from one placement to the next.

It took us weeks and months to track down information on physicians, optometrists, dentists, etc.  Some of it we never got and just made new arrangements.  Nor was there adequate information about schooling.  Sitting in parent-teacher meetings later, we were learn things from the teachers reading his file which would have been good for us to know.  Nor was there adequate information on his background.  We primarily had to rely upon what he told us.  

When he passed on from us, I typed up a list of all his medical and other professionals, their contact information, all scheduled appointments, etc.  We passed along detailed information on his medication.  And, I made sure that his school schedule and other relevant information also was forwarded.  But there was no form or folder or digital file that was standard for doing this.  Again, despite the half-dozen or more forms that had to be submitted every month.  Completely, ridiculous.

-- Scott

Fostering-to-adopt: Agency fails expectations

One problem with the child welfare system in Nebraska is that in order for someone to adopt a child who is a state ward, that person must be a foster parent.  That is not the case in other states, and I think Nebraska loses potentially hundreds of families who might be willing to adopt, but who are not interested in being foster parents.

Foster parenting is generally focused on providing a temporary home for kids, while it is determined whether they will return to their parents, be placed with another family member, or in some other way moved on to permanency.  

Note: Nebraska has the problem of a high number of children who are state wards and not moved to permanency. 

Michael and I do not feel called to be foster parents, to provide a temporary home for children moving to some other form of permanency.  We were interested in adopting.  In Nebraska that means fostering-to-adopt, so we went through the process to become licensed foster parents.  We were very clear throughout the process, from our initial conversation with the recruiter, through our parenting classes, during the home study, and in conversation with our foster care specialist, that we were only interested in children who were available for adoption.

We expected that KVC would work to match us with kids who were available for adoption and who would be a good fit for our family.  A friend of ours who is doing the same thing in Oklahoma, who got approved about the same time we were, has experienced this sort of effort to match her.  She has been invited to events to meet children who were available for adoption.  She has been matched with kids to see if they are a potential fit.  We expected the same thing.

But none of that occurred.  The handful of times we were called and asked if we would foster a child or children, the more we explored, none of them were available for adoption.  Even the child we did foster, we later learned was not yet available--everyone hoped he would be "soon."  

Instead of working actively to match kids and families, there is a desperation to simply get the kids placed.  Desperation because many of the social services that once helped now longer exist, having closed after the failed effort to private the system.  Desperation because the state has put pressure on the agencies to get kids into homes in order to address Nebraska's embarrassing numbers.

But you end up abusing families who are willing to help.  We initially felt assured that the agencies would work to meet our expectations, only to feel later as if we were simply supposed to warehouse kids because they systems that should be providing for them were not in place.  

This must compel many families to avoid the system altogether, families who otherwise would be willing to adopt or help care for children.

The biggest problem is that this further traumatizes the children who don't receive the specialized care which they need and who get moved in and out of foster homes.  

So, among the systemic failures we encountered, this one was the most basic.

-- Scott